Tina Fey

It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don’t like something, it is empirically not good.

I really admire stand-up, and I think I would have loved to learn how to do it. I think it’s terrifying and thrilling. A really cool thing to do. It’s a dying art, in a way.

A coworker at SNL dropped an angry c-bomb on me and i had the weirdest reaction. To my surprise, I blurted, ‘No. You don’t get to call me that. My parents love me. I’m not some Adult Child of an Alcoholic that’s going to take that shit.’

I work, and then whenever I have any other time, I’m with my daughter, and then I go to sleep. I think you basically have to abandon the dreams of having any other adult activities in your life. You have to go to sleep whenever your child goes to sleep. That’s basically how we’re doing it.

I don’t enjoy any kind of danger or volatility. I don’t have that kind of ‘I love the bad guys’ thing. No, no thank you. I like nice people.

I’m not a mean person, but I have a capacity for it. I have the biting comment formed somewhere in the back of my head – like it’s in captivity. Sometimes people expect that I’m going to be tough. It’s not a bad situation. People treat you better. People are on time.

[On Joni Mitchell] If I didn’t talk to her for the rest of my life, I wouldn’t miss her for a minute.

But once I acclimated and really used fame for what it was offering me as a tool to serve my life purpose of inspiring and contributing, then it started to get fun again.

You know when you find a great dress, you’ve gotta hold on to it.

[On encountering the music of Umm Kulthum] I was intrigued by the scales, initially, and obviously the vocal work. The way she sang, the way she could hold a note, you could feel the tension, you could tell that everybody, the whole orchestra, would hold a note until she wanted to change.

D.C. went under federal control in 1801 and it wasn’t until the 1960s that D.C.’s then three quarters of a million citizens, mostly African American, were given even the most basic electoral rights … With that level of restriction the mayor of D.C. gets to run the city the way a school council president gets to run her high school.

If there was no ladies, I wouldn’t wanna be on the planet. Ladies, friends, and music – without those three, I wouldn’t wanna be here.

[on the harsh standards placed on women by Hollywood] It’s one of those endless competitions, but it’s like running a race toward nothing. “There’s no winning. You’re never going to win the thin race. You’re never going to win the pretty race. You’re never going to win the smart race. You’re never going to win the funny race. I just want to be the best version of myself I can be.

Easter is very important to me, it’s a second chance.

This is just to get the kids ready to play. It’s not about the score of the games. We want the boys to learn what they can from this. It helps the coaches see where we’re at and what we need to be working on.

If I could trade places with anyone in the world it would be with someone who has lots of power like George Bush.

One of my theories is that men love with their eyes; women love with their ears.

We’ll probably end up doing a terrible crossover, where the Matthew Perry character on the drama rapes my character on the comedy-and then the ‘Law & Order’ team solves the crime.

Welcome to The Daily Show, I am John Oliver. And let’s just acknowledge for a moment that this is weird. This looks weird. It feels weird. It even sounds weird. It sounds weird to me and this is my actual voice.

Working for me is like a gift!

The women’s movement hasn’t changed my sex life. It wouldn’t dare.