Tina Fey

Mary Tyler Moore was a working woman whose story lines were not always about dating and men. They were about work friendships and relationships, which is what I feel my adult life has mostly been about.

You could put a blond wig on a hot-water heater and some dude would try to f**k it.

How do you expect me to see your nasty-looking eye ball if you don’t look straight ahead?

I’m married, you know. I love my husband and I have a child.

I was a mostly happy child, though I had a pretty rough puberty. Growing up as a girl is always traumatizing, especially when you have the deadly combination of greasy skin and getting your boobs at ten. But I think it’s good to grow up that way. It builds character.

I think the world has too many actresses.

I was the editor of the school newspaper and in drama club and choir, so I was not a popular girl in the traditional sense, but I think I was known for being relatively scathing.

I think I’d make a pretty good girlfriend.

I think I could sing and shear a few sheep at the same time.

I think the world has too many actresses.

Confidence is everything in this business.

If you sold out the Troubadour, that was it.

When I first started racing, my father said, “Win the race as slow as you can.

[on Amy Poehler] Not only is she not afraid to look silly, she’s not afraid to let you throw her in the air like a basketball and catch her.

Sometimes we have criticism that is very constructive.

The goal is to try and make the perfect song. Which of course will never happen.

I don’t believe that to be fulfilled you have to have kids. What’s the point? I can’t guarantee my child won’t suffer pain because that kid’s going to be in pain at some point in their life. I don’t want to see that. It’s too much.

I am slightly disheveled, I think. I’m really pleased that I am, because otherwise I could be in a really, really dull and boring place now, as a musician at least.

I almost chopped my thumb off once. Just before I left home, I was about ten or eleven years old, and I was trying to open a bone. Can you imagine that? A bone! I was trying to get the marrow out of a bone, and I took the ax, and I went to chop it, and something slipped, and the ax went right down there and damn near cut it off

My first kiss was when I was 12.

Many people worry so much about managing their careers, but rarely spend half that much energy managing their lives. I want to make my life, not just my job, the best it can be. The rest will work itself out.