Tina Fey

How do you expect me to see your nasty-looking eye ball if you don’t look straight ahead?

Don’t waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions; go over, under, through, and opinions will change organically when you’re the boss. Or they won’t. Who cares? Do your thing, and don’t care if they like it.

When I started on ‘Saturday Night Live,’ I had the choice of wearing contact lenses, which I had never worn before, or glasses, in order to be able to read the cue cards.

I don’t fit the mold. In this country, success usually happens when you are 22 and six feet tall. Clearly, by asking that question they are kind of letting me know that I am an aberration.

I can’t believe you recently had a baby. How do you do it? [pause] The baby starts to come down…and once that happens you can’t-it comes out. Whether you let it or not, the baby comes out. So that’s how I did it.

They made a porn movie about Sarah Palin, and the same actress, Lisa Ann, played me in the porn version of 30 Rock. Weirdly, of the three of us, Lisa Ann knows the most about foreign policy.

You don’t have to be older to live your dreams, you can do it at any age.

I like America, just as everybody else does. I love America, I gotta say that. But America will be judged.

If we don’t get actively involved to at least mitigate Trump’s damage, things will not be OK. And yes, the sun will rise each day, but the continuing rotation of the earth should not be your baseline expectation of American society.

I’ll be a nun, raise my daughter, and make albums.

Comedy is acting out optimism.

Honestly, the main takeaway from these two weeks is that, incredibly, we may be on the brink of electing such a damaged, sociopathic narcissist, that the simple presidential duty of comforting the families of fallen soldiers may actually be beyond his capabilities – and I genuinely did not think that was a part of the job that someone could be bad at.

You shouldn’t throw stones if you live in a glass house and if you got a glass jaw, you should watch yo mouth: cause I’ll break yo face.

[On Lord Of The Rings] I don’t like all this stupid Gollum begat Wobblo and the Oompa Loompas and…Oh Jesus Christ! There was too much “Oh, God, here come the gloodloys…” Christ Almighty, what are they talking about!?

A rivalry doesn’t happen in one or two races or in one year. It happens over a period of time to really get a rivalry going. We race together three or four races and get to beating on each other, that’s not a rivalry, that’s just a happening. You do that four or fives years, that’s a rivalry.

I try to just be grateful for what I have, and not [focus on] the things that I don’t have.

We lived the life with Keith Moon. It was all Spinal Tap magnified a thousand times.

I think it’s important to be flexible and free, and you can’t be free and spontaneous if you don’t know what you’re doing.

There are positive things that come of social media as well as negative.

When you’re on your fifth album, you are going to be judged against all your previous work and expectations.

Ask a boxer: In the third round, when he hit you from the side on your ear, how did that specifically feel? You wouldn’t ask a boxer that. Because you know they’re there to fight. Meaning now you know I’m here to fight. I’m here to fight for the re-education of what celebrity is.