Tina Fey

We’re all comedy fans in my family. My parents mainly wouldn’t let me watch stuff that was either annoying to them, or just garbage. My dad wouldn’t let us watch ‘The Flintstones’ if he was home, because he said it was a rip-off of ‘The Honeymooners’. But he would let us stay up really late in the summer and watch old ‘Honeymooners’.

My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.

Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.

I was a mostly happy child, though I had a pretty rough puberty. Growing up as a girl is always traumatizing, especially when you have the deadly combination of greasy skin and getting your boobs at ten. But I think it’s good to grow up that way. It builds character.

The show doesn’t go on because it’s ready; it goes on because it’s 11:30.

It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don’t like something, it is empirically not good. I don’t like Chinese food, but I don’t write articles trying to prove it doesn’t exist.

I literally change my phone number 10 times a year and I don’t ever save my contacts.

People think clowns – I wasn’t a clown. I would run parties. I basically ran around for two hours and ate massive piles of Haribo.

You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us. And the world will live as one.

The difference between male comedy writers and female comedy writers is that the male ones are taller and weigh more.

I’m always shocked by the people who I’m attracted to. It’s always completely random. I generally like people who are a bit crazy but yeah, that’s pretty much my only prerequisite.

Dictionary.com defines ‘Amy Poehler’ as ‘results not found. I take that as a testament to your uniqueness.’

I haven’t really decided to be an actor yet! I started doing plays when I was about 15 or 16. I only did it because my dad saw a bunch of pretty girls in a restaurant and he asked them where they came from and they said drama group. He said “Son, that is where you need to go”.

If I wasn’t Bob Dylan, I’d probably think that Bob Dylan has a lot of answers myself.

Getting divorced just because you don’t love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.

I love Obama. I’m sure we’ll hang out, go to Richard Branson’s island. It’ll be cool.

And I’m looking at him like, ‘Oh my God. This is Michael Jackson’. I fainted, blacked out – like seriously blacked out.

I don’t even listen to music when I’m off tour.

A lot of times we talk about the politics of it, the unfairness of it, which is all true, but I think it’s clearer to people when you go, ‘Hey, that hurts my feelings.’

You could put a blond wig on a hot-water heater and some dude would try to f**k it.

I’m a chocolate addict!