Tina Fey

I don’t like a tremendous amount of conflict. I don’t think that fighting and passion are the same thing.

I’m not that good looking… nobody is that good looking. I have seen a lot of movie stars, and maybe four are amazing looking. The rest have a team of gay guys who make it happen.

I had to get back to work. NBC has me under contract. The baby and I only have a verbal agreement.

A recent study announced that 52 per cent of all teens who sign virginity pledges recant them within twelve months. If I’m on my game.

I was wearing my best gap turtleneck and my dates were two adult lesbians. So yea, I was pretty cool.

You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.

I want to spend time with Oprah, and I don’t know what I need to do to make that happen.

A friend of mine had this great theory about the “Teletubbies”, that it’s preparing us for being mindless. And getting us ready for living in an underground world. When they build the underground world because we can no longer breathe the air that it will look like Teletubbie land.

I didn’t know how to throw a punch – why would I? Who knows how to throw a punch? Now I do it all the time, and it makes me feel strong.

I have standards I don’t plan on lowering for anybody, including myself.

They always ask me the same questions. Where was I born? When did I start singing? Who have I worked with? I don’t understand why they can’t just talk to me without all that question bit.

I am very proud of the titles I have earned. However, the honorary title I have been given this year as chairman of the VA National Salute to Hospitalized Veterans program is one I accept with great humility and pride. I encourage all Americans to visit some true champions this Valentine’s week and find out how you can serve those who have served us so well.

I think women are natural caretakers. They take care of everybody. They take care of their husbands and their kids and their dogs, and don’t spend a lot of time just getting back and taking time out.

It sounds lame, but I was really concentrating on this job. It was my first American thing so I was pretty focused. I went to Portland for two months before we starting shooting, and I just didn’t talk to anybody for ages during the beginning of the shoot. I never went out, but I kind of broke down half way through. I was like, ‘Okay, people are starting to think that I’m actually out of my mind now.

In the last series, we set up a church [to expose televangelists and the ease of avoiding tax through establishing a religious organisation]. It took a lot of legal advice and months of gathering correspondence with one pastor. In terms of the UK, I’m not sure what the Inland Revenue’s position on churches is. The IRS is very much of the opinion that all churches, whatever their form, operate tax free. How would I make sense of what we achieved? We achieved nothing! We achieved $70,000 in single [donations], a four-foot wooden penis and five vials of human sperm. Although a lot of people would consider that a decent year’s work, I suppose. It’s a pretty impressive room full of tat.

The first time I saw Led Zeppelin, Bonzo (John Bonham) just walked on the stage and just warmed up for about 10 seconds. Freddie (Freddie Mercury) and I nearly fell over we just couldn’t believe the power and the sound. People are still today trying to imitate Led Zeppelin, America is full of drummers trying to play like John Bonham.

I think I could sing and shear a few sheep at the same time.

We were too rough at the edges to be a pop group.

Every day, you try something new. So I just try to keep myself healthy physically and nutritionally.

Shaving your head is so empowering. You don’t need hair to be beautiful. You are beautiful with or without. I learnt that too.

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.