Tina Fey

Please welcome the woman I have been assigned to mentor – Lindsay Lohan.

I really love cursing a lot. But as I get older, I realize it’s a little unseemly for women of a certain age.

If you want to be a screenwriter, take an acting class to get a sense of what you’re asking actors to do. Learning other skills will help you communicate with people and respect what they do.

I want to thank my parents for somehow raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities.

When I started on ‘Saturday Night Live,’ I had the choice of wearing contact lenses, which I had never worn before, or glasses, in order to be able to read the cue cards.

Amy Poehler made it clear that she wasn’t there to be cute. She wasn’t there to play wives or girlfriends in the boys’ scenes. She was there to do what she wanted to do and she did not f**king care if you like it.

So, we come out to Los Angeles. And we met with every network. We met with show runners, directors, writers, everything. And what we had an idea for, they didn’t like. And what they had an idea for, we didn’t like. So, we went home.

When was the last time you saw a musical about people at war with each other?

[On taking a pay cut to make a documentary] I could keep trying to do the same kind of comedies. You know how it’s going to go, and you can get an audience with it, but then I feel like a hamster on a wheel.

I think part of picking where you live in New York is accepting who you are. Really looking at yourself and going, ‘Yeah, I’m not cool enough for the West Village.’

[On singing in Walk the Line] The director came to us and he said “No, I really want you guys to learn to sing. To learn to play instruments and I want you to record an album”. and that is what… and I just absolutely was just gob-smacked and I said .. “I don’t know. I can’t do that.” And he said “Well I want you to try.” Now that’s the thing for me. If someone asks me to try, I will always try.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake.

I think it’s really finding that belief in yourself, where you just have it no matter what’s going on, no matter what anyone else says. I think that’s the challenge, is to really have that belief in yourself.

We rely more on enthusiasm than actual skill. Whatever you do, do it enthusiastically and people will like it more.

Everything we do needs to be exceptional – if it’s not exceptional we don’t put it out there, because the biggest high for us is when we read comments from our customers saying that they can’t live without them.

I think the way for me to win America’s heart is to perform, and if I really was concerned about breaking big then there’d be a tour.

You must not look into that mirror at your doughy legs and flat feet. For today is about dreams and illusions, and unfiltered natural daylight is the enemy of dreams.

There are some people in here who are not journalists. There’s a masseuse in here who’s not a journalist – I think that’s ever so exciting.

When I started, I never gave any thought whatsoever to what I would be doing when I was 70.

No one leaves voicemails anymore they just text now so it’s a different time.

Paul is not someone trying to be Freddie. He’s someone trying to take this somewhere else… I’m very excited about working it all out.