Tina Fey

In a study, scientists report that drinking beer can be good for the liver. I’m sorry, did I say ‘scientists’? I meant ‘Irish people.’

When I started on ‘Saturday Night Live,’ I had the choice of wearing contact lenses, which I had never worn before, or glasses, in order to be able to read the cue cards.

There are no mistakes, only opportunities.

It’s just such a tangled-up issue, the way women present themselves [in comedy]-whether or not they choose to put their thumbs in their panties on the cover of Maxim and judge each other back and forth on it. It’s a complicated issue, and we didn’t go much further on saying anything other than to say, ‘Yeah, it’s a complicated issue and we’re all kind of figuring it out as we go.’

Yeah, it’s tough being smart and sexy, too. I have to say, I’m really not that attractive. Until I met my husband, I could not get a date. I promise you it’s true. My husband Jeff Richmond saw a diamond in the rough and took me in.

Photoshop is just like makeup. When it’s done well it looks great, and when it’s overdone you look like a crazy asshole.

Spring is nature’s way of saying, “Let’s party!”

You have to keep reminding yourself it’s not about money, because there is a lot of money to be made in this business if you’re willing to do whatever. But that’s not what I’m thinking about. I continue only to take movies because I love the script and because I really want to do it.

Last year in L.A. county 150 out of 151 incumbents ran unopposed. And come on. They could at least go through the motions of pretending there was another candidate. Just throw a robe on a pelican and tape a gavel to his wing. Or – I’ll tell you what – you’re in L.A. Just pretend you’re considering Blake Lively for the job. Movie studios do that all the time.

My first kiss was when I was 12.

I’m a restless guy who’s happy to be restless. I find that I’m always inquiring and I’m always in the middle of new situations. It’s just life experience, I guess. But I’ve been around quite a while.

Honestly, the main takeaway from these two weeks is that, incredibly, we may be on the brink of electing such a damaged, sociopathic narcissist, that the simple presidential duty of comforting the families of fallen soldiers may actually be beyond his capabilities – and I genuinely did not think that was a part of the job that someone could be bad at.

I just needed a job. Before being hired as an usher at the CBS Theater, I didn’t even know there was a show business.

One of my friends was part of the popular group and I remember her telling them, ‘Come on, we should let Vanessa in.’ This one other girl didn’t want to let me into the group. Finally, I kind of got accepted and became good friends with her. I don’t know, the whole popularity scene is funny.

Mary Tyler Moore was a working woman whose story lines were not always about dating and men. They were about work friendships and relationships, which is what I feel my adult life has mostly been about.

What is really important for a woman, you know, even more than being beautiful or intelligent, is to be entertaining.

I sing and dance as well, and I would like to do the whole Hilary Duff thing.

I didn’t know how to throw a punch – why would I? Who knows how to throw a punch? Now I do it all the time, and it makes me feel strong.

I love Sell Out, I think it’s great. I love the jingles. The whole thing as an album is a wonderful piece of work. The cover. Everything about it. It’s got humor, great songs, irony.

By the time you are in your 40s, what you want to wear and what you think is sexy is not always, like, for another person. It’s what makes you feel good.

Sick of all these people talking, sick of all this noise. Tired of all these cameras flashing, sick of being poised.