Tina Fey

Please welcome the woman I have been assigned to mentor – Lindsay Lohan.

I would say that one of your greatest accomplishments, Amy Poehler, is that you have so successfully used your art and comedy as a source of positivity in the world, by creating Smart Girls [an online community for girls, encouraging them to be their authentic selves], by making [Leslie in] Parks and Rec not only a positive feminist character but creating a good-hearted worldview within that program.

Prostitutes in Lyons, France, sent a fax to the government to complain that they are losing business to Eastern European women who are protected by the Albanian mafia. Okay, first of all, how rough-looking are these French prostitutes that all their customers are running to the Albanians? Secondly, why did they send a fax, and from whence? Do they have a fax machine in the whorehouse, or did they all trundle down to Kinko’s – “You fax these, I’ll let you shave me.” Thirdly, how come French whores know how to work a fax machine, but every time I try to use it, I hit Powersave, or I forget to dial 9? This just proves what my boyfriend always says – that I am dumber than a French whore.

I don’t like a tremendous amount of conflict. I don’t think that fighting and passion are the same thing.

Acting is really about showing up that day and telling the writers what you feel like saying.

The only reward for anything is food.

The mind is an erogenous zone.

I haven’t had an interview in two years where I wasn’t asked about Bond!

My first real kiss came when I was 10, and it was in an acting class. I had to do a scene from a movie where someone gets kissed under a tree, and I did not want to do it! But my acting partner wanted me to feel comfortable, so he bought a picnic basket with all these snacks. He made such an effort- and it was cute.

The most romantic thing, a lovely boy bought me a dress once. He got my measurements, actually they were from “The Notebook” and I had them sitting somewhere, and he found them and bought me this dress, tailor-made, this beautiful little black cocktail dress. And I thought that was very, very classy.

When faced with sexism or ageism or lookism or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: ‘Is this person in between me and what I want to do?’ If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you’re in charge, don’t hire the people who were jerky to you.

Working for me is like a gift!

I always thought that was so strange that people would try to corral you and pigeonhole you in one category and not play you anywhere else.

In Hollywood they say there’s no business like show business. In the hood they say there’s no business like ho’ business.

That is quite difficult. In the book and also my first introduction of the script is like “an absurdly handsome 17-year-old” and it kind of puts you off a little bit, when you’re trying to act, and you’re trying to get good angles to look good looking and stuff.

When it comes down to it, I just like taking my pants down.

I was not popular in high school, I know every actress says that, but really, I was a big geek.

[whether he thought he was a sexy man-beast] I wouldn’t be able to say. I don’t think I’m much of one. It’s funny, it is the secret to any guy – if people find him unattractive or whatever you just get Stephenie Meyer to tell the world, to put on her Web site that this guy is now attractive and everybody changes their minds.

Although it’s painful at the time, most of the things that people have said about us negatively – some of them are true and you can work on them, and the ones that you don’t agree with, you don’t work on.

The second I met Zac Efron I thought he was a really cool guy. It’s hard not to have chemistry with someone who is quite attractive.

If you’re a singer, you can never say this is where the voyage ends, the job is never done. Once you have got it, you cannot sit on it. I have to try and change the landscape, whatever it is. I have to find a new place to ply my trade, to get lost in another place, and locate myself again. I’m an older man now and so it’s even more important.