Tina Fey

It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don’t like something, it is empirically not good. I don’t like Chinese food, but I don’t write articles trying to prove it doesn’t exist.

I think people fetishize glasses in general. You could put glasses on a rotting pumpkin and people would think it was sexy.

This is what I tell young women who ask me for career advice. People are going to try to trick you. To make you feel that you are in competition with one another. “You’re up for a promotion. If they go for a woman, it’ll be between you and Barbara.” Don’t be fooled. You’re not in competition with other women. You’re in competition with everyone.

I work, and then whenever I have any other time, I’m with my daughter, and then I go to sleep. I think you basically have to abandon the dreams of having any other adult activities in your life. You have to go to sleep whenever your child goes to sleep. That’s basically how we’re doing it.

The only way I could get comfortable around people was to make them laugh. I was an obedient girl, and humor was my one form of rebellion. I used comedy to deflect. Like, ‘Hey, check out my zit!’ – you know, making fun of yourself before someone else has a chance to.

Wafah Dufour bin Laden, niece of Osama bin Laden has signed a contract to star in a reality show…called Skating with the Nieces of Terrorists.

Attending an all-girls school has its advantages, there are no inhibitions. You can walk to school with your zit cream on and your hair in rollers and nobody cares.

More idiots should just shut their mouths.

I’m a bit of a P.T. Barnum. I make stars out of everyone.

I think a poet is anybody who wouldn’t call himself a poet.

When you’re on your fifth album, you are going to be judged against all your previous work and expectations.

I guess I was a floater, but not really. I don’t know. I didn’t get high school.

Thank you to Kanye West and the fact that he is willing to tell the TRUTH. One new and great FACT – African American unemployment is the lowest ever recorded in the history of our Country. So honored by this. Thank you Kanye for your support. It is making a big difference!

Florida, just because you’re shaped like some combination of a gun and a d*ck doesn’t mean you have to act that way.

I can be sent a pop song, a reggae song, a rap song or an RandB song, and people know that Nicki Minaj is gonna deliver something special every time

Shaving your head is so empowering. You don’t need hair to be beautiful. You are beautiful with or without. I learnt that too.

But it’s been 114 years. It’s like for over a century, America’s computer’s been saying, An update to your country is available and we’ve been clicking Remind me later again and again and again.

There are some people in here who are not journalists. There’s a masseuse in here who’s not a journalist – I think that’s ever so exciting.

You’d be surprised how much fun you start to have once ya stop giving A f**k.

I haven’t had an interview in two years where I wasn’t asked about Bond!

How do you expect me to see your nasty-looking eye ball if you don’t look straight ahead?