Tina Fey

The only way I could get comfortable around people was to make them laugh. I was an obedient girl, and humor was my one form of rebellion.

If you’re an actor and you don’t get cast in stuff a lot, then put together a show or hold play-reading nights at your apartment. Make your own opportunities.

I got a fan letter on the back of a prison menu. And I remember thinking, ‘Well, they get pie. It’s not so bad. They get pie on the weekends.’ I want to say blueberry and also a Boston cream pie. Not so bad.

Don’t waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions; go over, under, through, and opinions will change organically when you’re the boss. Or they won’t. Who cares? Do your thing and don’t care if they like it.

If you want to be a screenwriter, take an acting class to get a sense of what you’re asking actors to do. Learning other skills will help you communicate with people and respect what they do.

By the time you are in your 40s, what you want to wear and what you think is sexy is not always, like, for another person. It’s what makes you feel good.

There’s so many parts of your life, you know? People say that you don’t get any better after the age of about forty or something like that, as a performer. I find all that to be a misconception. I don’t feel bad about the way I present stuff. The calendar and the mirror – they’re bastards.

Nothing is creepier than a bunch of adults being very quiet.

If you pretend to be a role, one day that role is going to break. You’re going to want to be yourself, and people are going to be really disappointed finding out you’re not who you’ve been living your life to be. Just keep it real and be yourself – that’s what people gravitate toward.

I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.

To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.

To me, there’s two types of songs, good and bad. And I just like to stick with the good ones.

Yeezus was extremely purposeful. And what came from Yeezus: Paparazzi are nicer to me. The entire fashion industry is nicer to me.

Lots of people who complained about us receiving the MBE received theirs for heroism in the war –for killing people. We received ours for entertaining other people. I’d say we deserve ours more.

I try to keep a low profile in general. Not with my art, but just as a person.

One of my friends was part of the popular group and I remember her telling them, ‘Come on, we should let Vanessa in.’ This one other girl didn’t want to let me into the group. Finally, I kind of got accepted and became good friends with her. I don’t know, the whole popularity scene is funny.

If I could be anyone, I’d choose the lead singer of Arcade Fire, Win Butler.

When I was 17, my producer Rodney Jerkins was working with Michael Jackson at the time. He knew how much I wanted to meet Michael Jackson, so he says, ‘Would you like to come and meet him?’ I’m like, ‘Are you serious? Of course I want to meet Michael Jackson! Where do I meet you? Where do we come?’

If you don’t know what it is, don’t mess with it

This heart of mine could never see what everybody knew but me

[about the showbiz lifestyle] It’s all too much trouble for me. It’s probably because I’m fat and lazy and old.