Tina Fey

I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society…unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool.

Researches reported that they developed a ‘self-healing’ plastic that repairs itself if cracked. The plastic will change the way airplanes are built and medicine is practiced. In a related story, Joan Rivers will never die.

I was wearing my best gap turtleneck and my dates were two adult lesbians. So yea, I was pretty cool.

This is what I tell young women who ask me for career advice. People are going to try to trick you. To make you feel that you are in competition with one another. “You’re up for a promotion. If they go for a woman, it’ll be between you and Barbara.” Don’t be fooled. You’re not in competition with other women. You’re in competition with everyone.

The difference between male comedy writers and female comedy writers is that the male ones are taller and weigh more.

Somewhere around the fifth or seventh grade I figured out that I could ingratiate myself to people by making them laugh. Essentially, I was just trying to make them like me. But after a while it became part of my identity.

I keep forgetting I’m speaking in an American accent sometimes. The dangerous thing is that you end up forgetting what your real accent is after a while! It’s really strange; I’ve never done a job in an American accent before.

Actors are an insecure breed. It’s hard to have your career depend upon other people’s opinions of what you do.

My body is the shape I live in and it shapes the way I live.

Mom would kill me if I showed my navel.

I’m from the ghetto side of Sydney. We don’t really do drive-bys, we just do drive-thrus.

We aren’t cool and never will be.

This is truly a blessing. Breyon Prescott, Peter Edge and Tom Corson believe in me and have introduced me to a home that also believes and knows exactly what to do with the type of music I’m doing.

I don’t want to be somebody else.

I guess each relationship is different. That’s what I love about relationships. Even when they end, you’ve learned so very much, so much to take into your next relationship and to take into your life. It’s the greatest thing that comes out of an ending – so it depends on the person.

At the upcoming Grammy Awards, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony will perform together as the first time, as man and wife. Hopefully music.

I’m keeping the pixie. I hope I inspire people… it’s really cool to have short hair.

Do you know how many women get systematically blackballed out of their positions in an office building and can’t fight back?

That was me under the bath and the water being held down. The director wanted it to look as real as possible so he told Keanu, in front of me, don’t go easy on her. So it was scary.

I love Obama. I’m sure we’ll hang out, go to Richard Branson’s island. It’ll be cool.

No, I don’t talk to Carly – that’s sort of the point about divorce.