Tina Fey

A recent study announced that 52 per cent of all teens who sign virginity pledges recant them within twelve months. If I’m on my game.

The show doesn’t go on because it’s ready; it goes on because it’s 11:30.

Say Yes. You’ll figure it out afterward.

In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors.

I think women dress for other women to let them know what their deal is. Because if women were only dressing for men, there would be nothing but Victoria’s Secret. There would be no Dior.

By the way, when Oprah Winfrey is suggesting you may have overextended yourself, you need to examine your f**ing life.

I like to audition for good projects because if it’s a good project, it’s an opportunity to get in front of a casting director.

[On his first red carpet experience] I walked out the wrong car door and started walking into the crowd, An interviewer said, ‘Give your best horror scream,’ and Stan did this great scream and I was too much of a wimp to do one. It was pathetic!

My mother was a gypsy, and she had a lot of dark blood in her, and her hair was very, very thick – she couldn’t even get a brush through it. So I have been very fortunate. And every time I go to cut it off, hairdressers refuse to do it.

I’m not a flowerchild or anything like that… whatever it was.

I think it’s easier for the general public to embrace me in a negative way. You have people who already have a perception of me that says I’m a bad person.

The guys that don’t respect that history and tradition, I don’t think they’re going to be around all that long. And those guys who don’t know the history and tradition, I think it’s upon them to learn about it pretty quick if they want to be a success.

The sweetest thing a guy said is that I look pretty with or without makeup.

Whether you’re a stripper, or whether you’re an Instagram girl – these girls are so beautiful and they have so much to offer. But I started finding out that you give them a couple thousand dollars, and you can have sex with them. I was like, Yikes. It’s just sad that they don’t know their worth. It makes me sad as a woman. And it makes me sad that maybe I’ve contributed to that in some way.

I don’t like my feet. I’m not crazy about anybody’s feet. But I have flat feet.

Someone once said that to make a regular person laugh, you need to dress a guy up like an old lady and push him down the stairs. To make a comedy writer laugh, you have to push a real old lady down the stairs. I don’t know who that’s attributed to. I think it’s Aristophanes. Or Catherine the Great.

[on sleeping with Trump] I’m very food-motivated. That’s why I stayed and held out for so long because I was told there would be snacks. I was starving! Maybe that’s part of why I was easy prey because I was light-headed.

I wanted my voice to be a tenor sax, really.

I think it’s the way I talk. I think they thought I was too country. And I’m not ashamed of that by any means.

I feel like it’s harder to get women to show up for movies.

You know, I was a school rebel. Whatever they said do, I didn’t do. I was totally anti-everything. I was a right bastard, a right hard nut. I just totally closed the doors to ever wanting to know what they had to teach me. Rock & roll was the only thing I wanted to get into.