Stormy Daniels

Do you know how much hate mail I’ve gotten from people who love Mario Kart? … In one day, I managed to ruin half of America’s childhood and mushroom farming everywhere.

I’m competitive with anyone who writes a good song – I don’t care if it’s a band or solo artist or whoever.

The rain can’t stop the vibes that are going to be created TODAY!!!

I think for women especially, you need to have a plan. I need to have some other ways to generate income, so I don’t have to stretch my face or lift the top of my head with surgery or something.

I’m not very experienced with boys or the whole dating thingy.

An interim government was set up in Afghanistan. It included two women, one of whom was Minister of Women’s Affairs. Man, who’d she have to show her ankles to to get that job?

Well, I think you and I have always felt the same way – that we’re Jewish but we can get away with just being exotic. We’re kind of Jews in disguise.

A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby’s temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who’s boss.

I am working on a dress sock line of funky, colorful, cool designs.

I love funky styles. Not preppy or rock, just funky! Vanessa: (on her mom) She gave up so much for me. She moved many times so I could follow my career. Vanessa: I’ve always had problems with guys!

It’s just such a tangled-up issue, the way women present themselves [in comedy]-whether or not they choose to put their thumbs in their panties on the cover of Maxim and judge each other back and forth on it. It’s a complicated issue, and we didn’t go much further on saying anything other than to say, ‘Yeah, it’s a complicated issue and we’re all kind of figuring it out as we go.’

There’s so many parts of your life, you know? People say that you don’t get any better after the age of about forty or something like that, as a performer. I find all that to be a misconception. I don’t feel bad about the way I present stuff. The calendar and the mirror – they’re bastards.

I am sarcastic and dry, but I also have a pretty huge zest for life.

Show No Love , Cus Love Can Get U killed

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am all about money. I mean, just look how well my line of zodiac-inspired toe rings and homeopathic children’s medications are selling on Home Shopping Network.

There’s not a lot of towns that I can go to and take family – too many incongruous knocks on doors – “Hello, honey. Have you missed me?”