Steve Martin

Be so good they can’t ignore you.

Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.

Hobbies cost money but interests are free

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

A man who pays his bills on time is soon forgotten

Getting money is not all a man’s business: to cultivate kindness is a valuable part of the business of life.

Steve Jobs didn’t give a shit about money, and I do give a shit about money. I wanted to have a lot of money. I thought it would change my life, which it did, but not in the ways I expected.

No man’s credit is as good as his money.

The lack of money is the root of all evils.

Scientists have odious manners, except when you prop up their theory; then you can borrow money of them.

If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.

Somebody said to me, ‘But the Beatles were anti-materialistic.’ That’s a huge myth. John and I literally used to sit down and say, ‘Now, let’s write a swimming pool’.

If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars.

If you want to make a million you don’t have to understand money, what you have to understand is people’s fears about money.

Whoever thinks that money can’t buy happiness . . . just doesn’t know where to shop!

The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all of your time.