Stephen Colbert

When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.

I really wish I was less of a thinking man and more of a fool not afraid of rejection.

He was a man, take him for all in all, I shall not look upon his like again.

Well, as a kid I did not get Shakespeare. I just never understood it.

No one gossips about other people’s secret virtues.

I can only say that I have had a wonderful life.

Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.

We teach people how to treat us.

Suppression of progress plays into the hands of the social enemy. Every advance in social justice establishes the nation.

If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed.

Anxiety is the hand maiden of creativity.

When women come up to me like, ‘I am a freaking senator,’ or, ‘I’m a doctor,’ it’s like, ‘Damn, y’all like me? I look up to y’all!’

Ageing’s alright, better than the alternative, which is not being here.

Only once in my life was I on the edge of incivility.

It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.