Seth Meyers

I feel like everyone you mentioned owes an enormous debt to Jon Stewart’s Daily Show, because I think that started this trend of people having talkshows where they have a point of view that they’re not afraid to share.

Donald Trump has been saying that he will run for president as a Republican, which is surprising since I just assumed he was running as a joke.

I couldn’t have asked for a better target than Trump

Even in 2008 – which was probably the most exciting political cycle I experienced while at SNL – there was a sense of a hangover afterwards. But this time, it has been relentless, and we’re only relentless in what we’re doing because [the Trump administration is] so relentless in what they’re doing. So this is all a reactive relentlessness.

My family, you know, are all still, you know, very close. We’re all still very close. Mom and Daddy are still alive. So, what more can you ask for? Your kids are healthy.

President Bush gave a rousing speech to the United Nations General Assembly. Afterward, in a touching show of support, every foreign dignitary shook hands with the president and smiled warmly as he mispronounced their names.

I’ve seen the photos of me and Flo Rida. It doesn’t matter how we met. We met. I don’t want to say that we’re a couple. I can definitely say that he’s somebody in my life, and I’m definitely interested but I’m not serious with anybody.

[On Joni Mitchell] If I didn’t talk to her for the rest of my life, I wouldn’t miss her for a minute.

When I’m no longer rapping I want to open up an ice-cream parlor and call myself Scoop Dogg.

I can’t moan about any of it. I had a great time in the goldfish bowl.

I prefer being as far from the centre of celebrity as possible.

I’m not very experienced with boys or the whole dating thingy.

I love Scrubs. It’s the best day job in the world.

[To a psychedelic rock sextet call Strawberry Alarm Clock] We’re going to get you six Ed Sullivan shows and we’re going to get you on Janis Joplin’s next tour. [After the meeting on being told by Schiffman ‘David, what are you doing? Six Ed Sullivan shows? Are you kidding? Janis Joplin wouldn’t piss on these people! We are not going to give them any Janis Joplin dates’] If they have another hit, we’ll get them one Ed Sullivan show, and we’ll get them a couple of dates on somebody else’s tour. I don’t care. And if they don’t have another hit, well, f*ck ’em.

I don’t want to wear high heels because I can’t run around with my son. So, for real life, I like to be in jeans and nice-cut shirts. I appreciate good tailoring.

You can never say you’re big – I don’t think you can ever take anything like that for granted.

Yes, I watch what I eat but I don’t deny myself red wine or chocolate, the great things in life one can’t live without.

[on dual careers and marriage] Marriage and family come before everything. You don’t want to make a movie at the cost of your relationship.

The same kind of boys always like me. The ones that easily get their feelings hurt. Ugh! Then they try to get my attention by doing something dumb but I’m too busy to notice