Ronnie Shakes

It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!

I really do believe that anything in life – any obstacle or challenge – can be made better with humor.

We are the people our parents warned us about.

If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.

If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging.

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

Your wit makes others witty.

[at the 2013 Golden Globe Awards] Meryl Streep is not here tonight. She has the flu and I hear she’s amazing in it.

I ran three miles today. Finally I said, ‘Lady take your purse’

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

I saw a bank that said ’24 Hour Banking’, but I don’t have that much time!