Robin Williams

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

Okra is the closest thing to nylon I’ve ever eaten. It’s like they bred cotton with a green bean. Okra, tastes like snot. The more you cook it, the more it turns into string.

A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills, no, no. They’d make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while. About comic lines written by Mark Shaiman being removed for innuendo (i.e. Chip ‘n Dale are both strippers”) the week before for his presenting of Best Animated Film at the 77th Academy Awards: “For a while you get mad, then you get over it. They’re afraid of saying Olive Oyl is anorexic. It tells you about the state of humor. It’s strange to think: how afraid are you? We thought that they got the irony of it. I guess not.”

[on his acting career] All the new people you meet, it’s pretty amazing. The vampire needs new blood. And there is still a lot to learn and there is always great stuff out there. Even mistakes can be wonderful.

[to troops in Iraq] I’m looking at a group of heavily armed people here. I’m telling myself ‘if you’re not funny, it’s a problem’

Ah, yes, divorce … from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet

Someone once said that to make a regular person laugh, you need to dress a guy up like an old lady and push him down the stairs. To make a comedy writer laugh, you have to push a real old lady down the stairs. I don’t know who that’s attributed to. I think it’s Aristophanes. Or Catherine the Great.

I’m not Sammy Glick. I’ve never killed anyone. I don’t have to. I’m too talented.

I think it’s easier for the general public to embrace me in a negative way. You have people who already have a perception of me that says I’m a bad person.

We are trying to communicate a fulfilled ideal. Does anybody remember laughter?

[On his belief in soul mates] I hope there is such a thing. I guess it would be quite scary to find a soul mate when you’re young because you’re probably going to mess it up.

When it comes down to it, I just like taking my pants down.

No, I was two years older than the other guys. I was a war baby. My family were a lot poorer than they were. I’d had to fight too hard for anything I had in my life and to smash things up for me.

Ever since the Taylor Swift moment, it’s never been the same – the connection with radio.

As Dan was doing school at the time I was just sitting by myself for ages and at the time I wanted to be taken really serious as an actor so I used to just sit around just drinking coffee all day and trying to look really intense.

Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe write some really great stuff – stuff that would put Oscar Wilde to shame. If the Pet Shop Boys ever wanted a third member, I’d be there.

Like many, I don’t watch Saturday Night Live (even though I past hosted it) – no longer funny, no talent or charm. It is just a political ad for the Dems. Word is that Kanye West, who put on a MAGA hat after the show (despite being told “no”), was great. He’s leading the charge!

My mother was a gypsy, and she had a lot of dark blood in her, and her hair was very, very thick – she couldn’t even get a brush through it. So I have been very fortunate. And every time I go to cut it off, hairdressers refuse to do it.

At least when the race starts, he’ll know where they’re all at because they’ll all be in front of him.

I have a suspicion that the definition of ‘crazy’ in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to f-ck her anymore. The only person I can think of that has escaped the ‘crazy’ moniker is Betty White, which, obviously, is because people still want to have sex with her.

There has always been a tremendous obsession with television and movie stars, and with the people involved with the business.