Robin Williams

Ballet: Men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are.

They’re talking about partial nuclear disarmament, which is also like talking about partial circumcision- you either go all the way or forget it.

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.

You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren’t paying attention to.

[to troops in Iraq] I’m looking at a group of heavily armed people here. I’m telling myself ‘if you’re not funny, it’s a problem’

God gave us a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at once.

When I’m no longer rapping I want to open up an ice-cream parlor and call myself Scoop Dogg.

I like you baby, just not more than my work right now

I don’t remember anyone’s name. How do you think the ‘dahling’ thing got started?

If the songs aren’t there and you throw a TV set out of the window, who cares?

Obviously, as an adult I realize this girl-on-girl sabotage is the third worst kind of female behavior, right behind saying “like” all the time and leaving your baby in a dumpster.

Many fail to realize this great recording industry was built by so-called jazz artists. And at the other end of the spectrum, a base in European classical music as well.

The Lion King always makes me cry, especially when Simba’s father gets trampled.

Being jealous of a beautiful woman is not going to make you more beautiful.

It’s important to raise your voice in things you feel passionate about and things that you know about. Don’t raise your voice just to raise your voice if you have nothing behind it and don’t know what you’re talking about.

[on Trump] He’s like the guy drowning but waving off a lifeboat saying, ‘Get out of here, I’m very buoyant. I’m the most buoyant. Everybody talks about my buoyancy. I’m a tremendous floater.’

I believe in large families. Every woman should have at least three husbands.

I couldn’t live without my music, man. Or me mum.

Acting is really about showing up that day and telling the writers what you feel like saying.

News is now one of the three things that we get from social media, the other two being our entire sense of self-worth and pictures of shaved alpacas.

With the war and everything that’s going on, unless you’re Susan Sarandon, the best route is to keep your mouth shut. For me it is, anyway!