Ricky Gervais

[On turning down the chance to appear in Ocean’s Twelve] Why say a couple of lines opposite Brad Pitt when I could be playing lead back home?

I’m a lot taller than I look on television and younger, and for the role of David Brent I wore a fat suit under my shirt and trousers. Really I’m about 25 and about 6′ 1 tall. So that’s probably why you don’t recognize me in the street.

I have plenty of pet hates. I can’t stand people scraping their plate or slurping their soup. I can’t stand waiting in lines. I hate people talking inanely about the Lord Of The Rings. I hate people whistling. But I’m not like this because I’m famous. I’ve always been a grumpy bastard.

I did Jonathon Ross last year and he said ‘do people do impressions of David Brent?’ and I went ‘well, they can’t really because he’s such a normal bloke’. Then, after the show, me and Ross are walking through the car park and this bloke jumps out and goes ‘der-ner-ner-ner-ner’, does the David Brent dance and runs away. Jonathon Ross was in hysterics: ‘all that shit you came out with and then some bloke jumps out and runs away’. But on the whole it doesn’t really happen.

I’ve been offered a part in Alias and I’m going to do it. I love Alias, it’s great and JJ Abrams is writing me a part especially. It’s just whether I can do it or not – it’s got to be the right time, the right project, it’s got to be fun, it’s got to be worth it and it mustn’t be bad for my career. Most people go ‘it’ll do, it’s work and it’ll make me a bit more famous’ or ‘the money’s good’ but I just think I’ve never regretted saying no. But a lot of people have regretted saying yes.

[on animals] When I see a toreador in a bullfight getting gored I think: ‘Good, you shouldn’t be in there’. What is the pleasure in seeing an animal speared to death? It’s the same with fox hunting. They’re just psychopaths. I think I’ll end up doing something with animals – running a sanctuary or something.

You can’t fake listening. It shows.

After college, I knew I wanted to work in comedy, so the first thing I did was go to where the comedy was. I moved from Charlottesville to Chicago, because that’s where The Second City and Improv Olympics are. You have to go wherever you need to go to study what interests you.

[On working with Woody Allen] That was a very surreal experience: I had studied the script right down to the punctuation marks, and then he would say ‘we’re not going to say what’s on the page, and you don’t really have to either, try to keep up.’

[on Trump lying] They are self-serving half-truths from a self-serving half-man who has somehow convinced half the country that sacrifice is the same thing as success.

Oh, nerds!

I guess you can get to a level where you choose. I guess when you reach that point maybe you start making decisions about whether you want to be a leading man or woman. I’m not at that point at all. Where I am now, you’re very much at everybody else’s mercy. You have no control over your career in a lot of ways. It’s just important to know what your own goals are, because that’s empowering.

Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.

I’ve always learned how to deal with my problems through my words, through my education, and through my intelligence, which I think is important and the best way to deal with an issue.

I’ve got this brilliant thing where I go, “I’m Robbie Williams”, and people are interested in what I want to say – which is amazing because I’m just an idiot from Stoke-on-Trent.

I read while the kids play. I can see them from the kitchen window. And I’m a fast reader.

Freddie will have been dead for 20 years in November. I was staggered because it doesn’t seem possible that all that time has passed and I still miss him. He was my best friend, my best man. We shared so much and I owe so much to him.

Every kid has something they’re good at, that you hope they find and gravitate toward.

To me YES, AND means don’t be afraid to contribute. Always make sure you’re adding something to the discussion. Your initiations are worthwhile.

I was rapping as a hobby. It was something I did for my friends and just played around on ideas and stuff like that.

I was born in ’74, so I missed out on all the great early ’60s and early ’70s.