Mark Twain

A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.

Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.

Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot.

Why was the human race created? Or at least why wasn’t something creditable created in place of it? God had His opportunity. He could have made a reputation. But no, He must commit this grotesque folly – a lark which must have cost Him a regret or two when He came to think it over and observe effects.

No God and no religion can survive ridicule. No political church, no nobility, no royalty or other fraud, can face ridicule in a fair field, and live.

Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.

What I greatly hope for these children everywhere, is a new attitude toward life–free from the gullibility which thinks we can get something for nothing; free from the greed which thinks any permanent good can come of overreaching others; and, above all, expectant of change, so that when life gives them a jolt they will be fully prepared to push on eagerly along new lines.

I’m the one that has to die when it’s time for me to die, so let me live my life, the way I want to.

All this talk about equality. The only thing people really have in common is that they are all going to die.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what’s going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.

Come to me, wild and untamed. Bring the oceans on your lips, the mountains on your spine; I want to explore all the places you have ever called home. Let me pluck each petal from the gardens you’ve grown, overcrowded seedlings pushing up through your bones. Come to me dipped in the stars, come to me wearing all your scars. I want to show you just how beautiful you are.

You know I don’t wanna come on ungrateful, but that warren report, you know as well as me, just didn’t make it. You know, like they might as well have asked some banana salesman from des moines, who was up in toronto on the big day, if he saw anyone around looking suspicious…

When you get to the top, don’t forget to send the elevator down for the next guy.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

You are so much more than what people have done to you, and to let that define you, would be a tragedy.

There is a great difference between worry and concern. A worried person sees a problem, and a concerned person solves a problem.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. (The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are.)

Well, the future for me is already a thing of the past.

I hope that while so many people are out smelling the flowers, someone is taking the time to plant some.

The problem is that for women, the average time is just over 14 minutes… men are left with about 12 minutes during which time they need to think of something to do!