Mark Twain

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.

Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written.

Adam was the luckiest man; he had no mother-in-law.

Gratitude is a debt which usually goes on accumulating like blackmail; the more you pay, the more is exacted. In time, you are made to realize that the kindness done you is become a curse and you wish it had not happened.

We have the best government that money can buy.

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.

Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what’s going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.

Wide awake and so confused.

People have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in working order so they’ll have good voice boxes in case there’s ever anything really meaningful to say.

It is just good practice to do a situational scan and have situational awareness when you are out in the world.

The basically simple things are best, whether it’s automobiles or diets or philosophy.

No one gossips about other people’s secret virtues.

The way out is through the door. Why is it that no one will use this method?

Efficiency is intelligent laziness.

Never trust anyone who wants what you’ve got. Friend or no, envy is an overwhelming emotion.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.

We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules.

Try not to become a person of success, but rather try to become a person of value.

I believe that every right implies a responsibility; every opportunity, an obligation; every possesion, a duty.

There it is: it doesn’t make any difference who we are or what we are, there’s always somebody to look down on! somebody to hold in light esteem, somebody to be indifferent about.

I didn’t start a war. Nobody died.