Mark Twain

There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man’s notion that he is less savage than the other savages.

A person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was getting knowledge that was always going to be useful to him, and warn’t ever going to grow dim or doubtful.

There are many scapegoats for our sins, but the most popular is providence.

The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession.

She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot.

I was young and foolish then; now I am old and foolisher.

I have been breaking silence these twenty-three years and have hardly made a rent in it.

You see things; and you say Why? But I dream things that never were; and I say Why not?

To be furious in religion is to be irreligiously religious.

Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything that is beautiful; for beauty is God’s handwriting – a wayside sacrament. Welcome it in every fair face, in every fair sky, in every fair flower, and thank God for it as a cup of blessing.

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relation.

Depend upon it that if a man talks of his misfortunes there is something in them that is not disagreeable to him.

Nature arms each man with some faculty which enables him to do easily some feat impossible to any other.

Because they did not see merit where they should have seen it, people, to express their regret, will go and leave a lot of money to the very people who will be the first to throw stones at the next person who has anything to say and finds a difficulty in getting a hearing.

Shall I not have intelligence with the earth? Am I not partly leaves and vegetable mould myself.

Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.

The late M. Venizelos observed that in all her wars Englandhe should have said Britain, of coursealways wins one battlethe last.

Something made greater by ourselves and in turn that makes us greater.

Believing that I was born for the service of mankind, and regarding the care of the commonwealth as a kind of common property which, like the air and the water, belongs to everybody, I set myself to consider in what way mankind might be best served, and what service I was myself best fitted by nature to perform.

Having each some shingles of thought well dried, we sat and whittled them.

The greatest genius is the most indebted person.