Mark Twain

I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can’t find anybody who can tell me what they want.

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

Necessity is the mother of taking chances.

Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

I don’t have an alarm clock. If someone needs to wake me up, then I have my BlackBerry next to me.

If you need a miracle, be a miracle.

You know you’re getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.

Effective negotiators have a style that those whom they are trying to influence, relate to and admire.

I remember thinking during those times that I wanted to write in a way where there are no rules.

Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.

I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

Trouble with the world today is people don’t go to children enough. I don’t like old people. I stay away from them.

I mean, if you degrade someone, you isolate them, you control them, you call them names, you demean them. That’s a horrible existence for people.

When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?

I think every parent, every generation has wanted their children to do better and have a higher standard of living. But I think there’s too much guilt.

A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words… the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.

If you want to change the world, start with the next person who comes to you in need.

Scriptures, n.: The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

How I wish that somewhere there existed an island for those who are wise and of good will.