Mark Twain

Plain question and plain answer make the shortest road out of most perplexities.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

We have not all had the good fortune to be ladies. We have not all been generals, or poets, or statesmen; but when the toast works down to the babies, we stand on common ground.

If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.

There is no distinctly American criminal class – except Congress.

Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.

I’ve always said, ‘If you need Viagra, you’re probably with the wrong girl.

Relationships don’t thrive because the guilty are punished, but because the wounded are merciful.

The only time a woman has a true orgasm is when she’s shopping.

It’s very easy for me to thank everyone for the incredible contribution they’ve made to my life.

I like the idea of being alone. I like the idea of often being alone in all aspects of my life. I like to feel lonely. I like to need things.

I like a woman who takes care of herself – it says something about the way she’ll care for me.

My boyfriend and I live together, which means we don’t have sex-ever. Now that the milk is free, we’ve both become lactose intolerant.

Why do so many marriages fail? Because nobody gets taught how to be married. We’re not taught how to pick a mate, or why to pick a mate; we don’t know how to manage our emotions once we’re in a marriage; we don’t know how to resolve marital conflict. Married people have never been taught why they or their spouses feel the way they do and act the way they do. Nobody has ever taught us the fundamentals.

Relationships are truly like a garden, if you tend it, water it, weed it and feed it, it will grow into a beautiful garden. If you only go out there every few weeks to look it over for a few moments, what do you think it’s going to look like in a few months? It’s going to be a weed patch. It will disappear.

If you’ve gone into a marriage and you haven’t been clear about how you’re going to handle money, how you want to raise kids, who is going to work or stay home or what have you, then you’ve set yourself up for failure.

I don’t understand how in my parents’ age, it was ’til death do us part, and in mine it’s ’til cheating do us part, ’til lying do us part, ’til chemistry do us part, ’til disagreements do us part, ’til boredom do us part, ’til cowardice do us part. I just want what my parents have, that part.

It’s better to be healthy alone than sick with someone else.

If somebody put a loaded gun to my head & said call your wife the “c” word, i would just tell them to shoot cause it s a quicker death!

There’s a big difference between falling in love and being in love. There’s a big difference between infatuation and falling in love.

It’s fun to have a partner who understands your life and lets you be you.