Mark Twain

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

The more I learn about people, the better I like my dog.

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

Drag your thoughts away from your troubles… by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.

Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.

To be, or not to be; that is the bare bodkin That makes calamity of so long life;

Only on paper has humanity yet achieved glory, beauty, truth, knowledge, virtue, and abiding love.

Nay, number itself in armies importeth not much, where the people is of weak courage; for, as Virgil saith, It never troubles the wolf how many the sheep be.

Allow children to be happy in their own way, for what better way will they find?

None of us should be defined by the worst thing we’ve ever done.

Man has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights…sexual intercourse!…His heaven is like himself: strange, interesting, astonishing, grotesque. I give you my word, it has not a single feature in it that he actually values.

To be great is to be misunderstood.

The most dangerous thing is illusion.

There is still vitality under the winter snow, even though to the casual eye it seems to be dead.

But what we call our despair is often only the painful eagerness of unfed hope.

Not to be provok’d is best: But if mov’d, never correct till the Fume is spent; For every Stroke our Fury strikes, is sure to hit our selves at last.

We learned about dignity and decency – that how hard you work matters more than how much you make… that helping others means more than just getting ahead yourself.

Those people who will not be governed by God will be ruled by tyrants.

Man was made at the end of the week’s work when God was tired.

Don’t call a woman a bitch. Call her an ass-hole. It still gets your point across and it’s not sexist.

Without ambition one starts nothing. Without work one finishes nothing. The prize will not be sent to you. You have to win it. The man who knows how will always have a job. The man who also knows why will always be his boss.