Mark Twain

If they had not landed there would be some reason for celebrating the fact.

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist, except an old optimist.

To be, or not to be; that is the bare bodkin That makes calamity of so long life;

The way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.

Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.

October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.

Common people do not pray; they only beg.

Drunkenness spoils health, dismounts the mind, and unmans man. It reveals secrets, is quarrelsome, lascivious, impudent, dangerous, and mad.

The man with a toothache thinks everyone happy whose teeth are sound. The poverty-stricken man makes the same mistake about the rich man.

We learned about dignity and decency – that how hard you work matters more than how much you make… that helping others means more than just getting ahead yourself.

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

No mistake is more common and more fatuous than appealing to logic in cases which are beyond her jurisdiction.

We have reached a point today where labor-saving devices are good only when they do not throw the worker out of his job.

When you place yourself in a position to help another, you will discover your greater capabilities.

Virtue is insufficient temptation.

Hate has caused a lot of problems in this world, but it has not solved one yet.

Round numbers are always false.

I am certainly not one of those who need to be prodded. In fact, if anything, I am the prod.

Having power is not nearly as important as what you choose to do with it.

Sir, I have found you an argument. I am not obliged to find you an understanding.

I have lived some thirty-odd years on this planet, and I have yet to hear the first syllable of valuable or even earnest advice from my seniors.