Mark Twain

Thou shalt not commit adultry is a command which makes no distinction between the following persons. They are all required to obey it: children at birth. Children in the cradle. School children. Youths and maidens. Fresh adults. Older ones. Men and women of 40. Of 50. Of 60. Of 70. Of 80. Of 100. The command does not distribute its burden equally, and cannot. It is not hard upon the three sets of children.

Damn the subjunctive. It brings all our writers to shame.

Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.

A banker is a fellow who lends his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.

I don’t know of a single foreign product that enters this country untaxed, except the answer to prayer.

The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is.

The greatest challenge to any thinker is stating the problem in a way that will allow a solution.

Foolproof systems don’t take into account the ingenuity of fools.

When you look at yourself from a universal standpoint, something inside always reminds or informs you that there are bigger and better things to worry about.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.

Enthusiasm is the yeast that makes your hopes shine to the stars.

There is no man living who isn’t capable of doing more than he thinks he can do.

It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race.

If I was on the air and was just kind of a plain-vanilla personality that took the safe road and the safe way trying to please all of the people all of the time, I’d been gone in two weeks.

If there’s only one answer, then this must not be a very interesting topic.

Mr. Watson , come here, I want you

Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

Scriptures, n.: The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

Chaos is a friend of mine.