Mark Twain

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing, he knew nobody had said it before.

Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.

In his private heart no man much respects himself.

To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

And certainly, the mistakes that we male and female mortals make when we have our own way might fairly raise some wonder that we are so fond of it.

The first farmer was the first man. All historic nobility rests on the possession and use of land.

Life too near paralyses art.

The ship of heaven guides itself and will not accept a wooden rudder.

The revelation of Thought takes men out of servitude into freedom.

I refused to attend his funeral. But I wrote a very nice letter explaining that I approved of it.

Exploring the mysteries of myself and the world. Sensual, powerful, wise… on my path…

Watch what you say, and whatever you say, practice it.

Life grants nothing to us mortals without hard work.

This mournful truth is everywhere confessed, slow rises worth by poverty depressed.

The country life is to be preferred, for there we see the works of God; but in cities little else but the works of men. And the one makes a better subject for contemplation than the other.

There is but one step from the Academy to the Fad.

It is a happy talent to know how to play.

We have only now, only this single eternal moment opening and unfolding before us, day and night.

Justice is my being allowed to do whatever I like. Injustice is whatever prevents my doing so.