Mark Twain

All schools, all colleges, have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal, valuable knowledge. The theological knowledge which they conceal cannot justly be regarded as less valuable than that which they reveal. That is, when a man is buying a basket of strawberries it can profit him to know that the bottom half of it is rotten.

Of all God’s creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with a cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet deep down in his private heart no man much respects himself.

All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure.

There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.

I know all those people. I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of them.

The less a man thinks or knows about his virtues, the better we like him.

We can never have enough of nature. We must be refreshed by the sight of inexhaustible vigor, vast and titanic features, the sea-coast with its wrecks, the wilderness with its living and its decaying trees, the thunder-cloud, and the rain which lasts three weeks and produces freshets. We need to witness our own limits transgressed, and some life pasturing freely where we never wander.

Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans.

The thirst for adventure is the vent which Destiny offers; a war, a crusade, a gold mine, a new country, speak to the imagination and offer swing and play to the confined powers.

A beautiful form is better than a beautiful face; it gives a higher pleasure than statues or pictures; it is the finest of the fine arts.

If a thousand men were not to pay their tax-bills this year, that would not be a violent and bloody measure, as it would be to pay them, and enable the State to commit violence and shed innocent blood. This is, in fact, the definition of a peaceable revolution, if any such is possible.

The secret of being miserable is to have leisure to bother about whether you are happy or not. The cure for it is occupation.

It is not he who gains the exact point in dispute who scores most in controversy – but he who has shown the better temper.

I will not say do not weep, for not all tears are evil.

By all means let’s be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.

Love of beauty is taste. The creation of beauty is art.

Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.

As the Sandwich Islander believes that the strength and valor of the enemy he kills passes into himself, so we gain the strength of the temptation we resist.

Be ever on your guard what you say of anybody and to whom.

There is no love sincerer than the love of food.