Mark Twain

The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all.

Of all God’s creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with a cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

Unconsciously we all have a standard by which we measure other men, and if we examine closely we find that this standard is a very simple one, and is this: we admire them, we envy them, for great qualities we ourselves lack. Hero worship consists in just that. Our heroes are men who do things which we recognize, with regret, and sometimes with a secret shame, that we cannot do. We find not much in ourselves to admire, we are always privately wanting to be like somebody else. If everybody was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes.

The way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.

No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies.

There are nine hundred and ninety-nine patrons of virtue to one virtuous man.

For the first time in my adult lifetime, I am really proud of my country. And not just because Barack has done well, but because I think people are hungry for change. And I have been desperate to see our country moving in that direction.

Love can often be misguided and do as much harm as good, but respect can do only good. It assumes that the other person’s stature is as large as one’s own, his rights as reasonable, his needs as important.

A myriad of men are born; they labor and sweat and struggle; …they squabble and scold and fight; they scramble for little mean advantages over each other; age creeps upon them; infirmities follow; …those they love are taken from them, and the joy of life is turned to aching grief. It comes at last-the only unpoisoned gift earth ever had for them-and they vanish from a world where they were of no consequence, …a world which will lament them a day and forget them forever.

The whole history of the world is summed up in the fact that, when nations are strong, they are not always just, and when they wish to be just, they are no longer strong.

The value of a principle is the number of things it will explain; and there is no good theory of disease which does not at once suggest a cure.

An early-morning walk is a blessing for the whole day.

If it be an evil to judge rashly or untruly any single man, how much a greater sin it is to condemn a whole people.

If you and I are having a single thought of violence or hatred against anyone in the world at this moment, we are contributing to the wounding of the world.

Meeting Franklin Roosevelt was like opening your first bottle of champagne; knowing him was like drinking it.

To be, or not to be; that is the bare bodkin That makes calamity of so long life;

Everyone has the right to be stupid on occasion, but Comrade Macdonald abuses the privilege.

Condense some daily experience into a glowing symbol and an audience is electrified.

Prudence operates on life in the same manner as rule of composition; it produces vigilance rather than elevation; rather prevents loss than procures advantage; and often miscarriages, but seldom reaches either power or honor.

Is the acorn better than the oak which is its fullness and completion?