John Oliver

[on Trump lying] They are self-serving half-truths from a self-serving half-man who has somehow convinced half the country that sacrifice is the same thing as success.

There is nothing inherently wrong with media that has a viewpoint. This show has a viewpoint; we fact-check everything we say, but I don’t pretend to be neutral on things like criminal justice reform; I’m for it. Uh… Coldplay; I’m against it. Uh… or DeWalt ladders; they’re a seamless blend of style and performance. Walking up one is like ascending to Heaven on a golden cloud. I’m not being paid to say that. I’m just a fan.

Healthcare is like a pair of gym shorts. Even if it covers nearly all it is supposed to, you’re still left with some problematic gaps and terrible things can happen.

While some are arguing that Trump might not have meant all those things, that leaves us with two devastating options: either we just elected a President who didn’t mean a single word he said, or we elected one who did.

Any single part of Brexit is a mountainous task and that is before you get to the tiny little bits that you understand that we haven’t even thought might be a problem. John Oliver

But it’s been 114 years. It’s like for over a century, America’s computer’s been saying, An update to your country is available and we’ve been clicking Remind me later again and again and again.

In an interview, Paris Hilton said that of her and her sister, ‘People love to hate us. But when you know us, you love us. And if you really get to know us, you get gonorrhea’.

I’m just a big, hard tool.

Before Twilight, I did any movie that I got offered. But now fans expectations have doubled and I just can’t mess around. Today, I can’t afford to be a part of any movie. I have to question a lot more now before I take a project. After all I can’t disappoint my fans.

I’ve got this brilliant thing where I go, “I’m Robbie Williams”, and people are interested in what I want to say – which is amazing because I’m just an idiot from Stoke-on-Trent.

I’ve been scared and I’ve liked not hanging on to stuff where I know that I’m in my comfort zone.

I try to keep a low profile in general. Not with my art, but just as a person.

I’m keeping the pixie. I hope I inspire people… it’s really cool to have short hair.

I know without our fans and the devotion of our fans we wouldn’t be here. I don’t mean to put them down, but I’m just stating a fact that it is hard to play to people that see you all the time and it takes a lot of fun out of it in some ways.

I don’t take myself that seriously. I’ve just had a good, big life. It’s a big one.

There’s nothing worse than a bunch of jaded old farts, and that’s a fact.

There aren’t any hard women, only soft men.

I love artists who take risks-I think they inspire everybody else about horrible situations that no one wants to discuss.

[on the death of Stan Lee] I owe it all to you, Rest in Peace Stan

I can’t believe you recently had a baby. How do you do it? [pause] The baby starts to come down…and once that happens you can’t-it comes out. Whether you let it or not, the baby comes out. So that’s how I did it.

I can’t believe we’ve got away with becoming this huge band. And we still haven’t done anything I think is that good yet.