Jimmy Buffet

No one goes there nowadays, it’s too crowded.

If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging.

The only Zen you find on the tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there.

I tried practicing for a few weeks and ended up playing too fast.

We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.

I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

I ran three miles today. Finally I said, ‘Lady take your purse’

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, ‘No hablo ingles.’

So I’m licking jelly off my boyfriend and all of a sudden, I’m thinking, ‘Oh my God, I’m turning into my mother.

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

Communism must be like one big phone company.

Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street