George Bernard Shaw

If all the economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.

If women were as fastidious as men, morally or physically, there would be an end of the race.

Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the airplane, the pessimist the parachute.

I enjoy convalescence. It is the part that makes the illness worth while.

Men are not governed by justice, but by law or persuasion. When they refuse to be governed by law or persuasion, they have to be governed by force or fraud, or both.

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.

finally know what distinguishes man from other beasts: financial worries.

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

It is easier to ask for money when you don’t need the money.

Money gives me the creeps and mildly embarrasses me. I get paid too much anyway.

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed!

In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.

When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.

I’m so naive about finances. Once when my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain: ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.

Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? … No pockets.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

The only point in making money is, you can tell some big shot where to go.

Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.

If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars.

Money often costs too much.