Chris Martin

Celebrity culture has gone crazy, and I think the reason is that real news is just not bearable, and it also seems impossible to change anything.

I never talk about my wife: we’re both in public professions but we try to keep our private life private.

If a few companies were less greedy, the people at the bottom woud have a lot more.

Well, once we finish something, I can’t really listen to it because all I hear are problems.

It’s difficult when you’re successful, to admit that you need help.

Music comes from a place we don’t know.

I hate lateness. I hate people who are late. There is no excuse for turning up late for anything. I’ve never been late for anything in my life. I was actually born a week premature, because I wanted to be early for my own birth. Being late is an insult to me.

[On being told that he should be an agent with him having no acting ‘gifts’. And saying that you need to know absolutely nothing to be an agent.] I thought that’s the job for me.

We are trying to communicate a fulfilled ideal. Does anybody remember laughter?

It may not be the best in someone else’s eyes, but it’s the best I can do.

Prostitutes in Lyons, France, sent a fax to the government to complain that they are losing business to Eastern European women who are protected by the Albanian mafia. Okay, first of all, how rough-looking are these French prostitutes that all their customers are running to the Albanians? Secondly, why did they send a fax, and from whence? Do they have a fax machine in the whorehouse, or did they all trundle down to Kinko’s – “You fax these, I’ll let you shave me.” Thirdly, how come French whores know how to work a fax machine, but every time I try to use it, I hit Powersave, or I forget to dial 9? This just proves what my boyfriend always says – that I am dumber than a French whore.

We’re still trying to break records on the twentieth anniversary of Live Aid. I’ve just heard Bob Geldof has put Phil Collins on a jet to Philadelphia. There’s nothing going on there, we just don’t want him around this year. No I’m joking, of course we didn’t put him on a jet. We stuck him in a catapult. To be fair, he didn’t get very far. Although it worked in rehearsals when we used it on Chris De Burgh. I could do a whole routine about injuring Phil f**king Collins.

When faced with sexism or ageism or lookism or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: ‘Is this person in between me and what I want to do?’ If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you’re in charge, don’t hire the people who were jerky to you.

I don’t like Tommy on Broadway at all. I like the music, I’m pleased with Pete’s success but I don’t like what they’ve done to it.

I think some fans want everything to stay they same because they want to stay the same.

I only mentioned people in Barbie Dreams that I f**k wit. This isn’t a diss. Yikes. This is culture, this is BIGGIE!!!!! New York!!!! This is FUN. Light hearted fun.

I cried, I was so overwhelmed to meet Michael Jackson.

I don’t really see the point in washing your hair. If you don’t care if your hair’s clean or not then why would you wash it?

I moved out at 18. I always studied classes and trained a lot, you know. I think nowadays is such a different time because there’s so many channels promoting the celebrity aspect of things.

I love being sexy; I’m never gonna stop being an exhibitionist

We were out of work actors who played a lot of video games, so we were sort of surprised that Swingers was seen as cool. I think any cool in it was a geekiness, an awkwardness that most people can relate to.