Amy Poehler

Great people do things before they’re ready.

You know, as a comedian your body has to be – I need to think of a better term than ‘up for grabs’ – but you kind of use whatever you have to get the laugh. And if you’re worrying about how you look… Vanity is the death of comedy.

I remember Tina Fey wrote a play about Catherine the Great f**king a horse and I thought, ‘That lady is hot stuff, I wanna know her.’

Sometimes Tina Fey is like a very talented bungee-jumping expert. All it takes Tina to softly say, ‘We can do this, right?’ and I suddenly feel like I can jump off a bridge.

[on Tina Fey] I like to say our relationship is as old as Lourdes Ciccone

I like the person who commits and goes all in and takes big swings and then maybe fails; who jumps and falls down, rather than the person who points at the person who fell and laughs. But I do sometimes laugh when people fall down.

I think careful cooking is love, don’t you? The loveliest thing you can cook for someone who’s close to you is about as nice a Valentine as you can give.

If I was your wife Sir, I’d poison you! Madam, if you were my wife, I’d let you!

There is nothing wrong with your marriage if you’re dealing with bills and kids and the broken garbage disposal and in-laws and work demands. That’s a normal marriage.

I have had young fascinations but never love.

If somebody put a loaded gun to my head & said call your wife the “c” word, i would just tell them to shoot cause it s a quicker death!

Nothing is so necessary for a young man as the company of intelligent women.

I’ve always said, ‘If you need Viagra, you’re probably with the wrong girl.

I never felt I was too protective. I felt I was functioning as a dam against the river of sh*t that comes pouring down on artists, and it was a job that I took very seriously.

Of all the various kinds of sexual intercourse, this has the least to recommend it. As an amusement, it is too fleeting; as an occupation, it is too wearing; as a public exhibition, there is no money in it. It is unsuited to the drawing room, and in the most cultured society it has long been banished from the social board. It has at last, in our day of progress and improvement, been degraded to brotherhood with flatulence. Among the best bred, these two arts are now indulged only in private– though by consent of the whole company, when only males are present, it is still permissible, in good society, to remove the embargo on the fundamental sigh.

I think when you get married, it’s not a totally free ride – it’s not without its unglamorous periods and its fights and its angry noons and silent dawns or vice-versa.

The best present a man can give a woman is his undivided attention.

Young love is a flame; very pretty, often very hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. The love of the older and disciplined heart is as coals, deep burning, unquenchable.

To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.

You know, it’s possible for two humans to be in a relationship without there needing to be some public reason for that relationship.

Kiss me, and you will see how important I am.