Amy Poehler

If you can find a way to be truly ambivalent about what people think about you as an artist you’re completely freed up because you just end up doing things that turn you on creatively, and then as a person you really try and drown the noise.

Great people do things before they’re ready.

[at the 2013 Golden Globe Awards] Meryl Streep is not here tonight. She has the flu and I hear she’s amazing in it.

Sometimes Tina Fey is like a very talented bungee-jumping expert. All it takes Tina to softly say, ‘We can do this, right?’ and I suddenly feel like I can jump off a bridge.

Women talk about stuff on the way to the valet that it takes men 10 years to admit to each other. The depth at which women talk to and about each other is invaluable to me. With your really, really close good friends you do that fast.

Always remember your kid’s name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don’t let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers … for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces.

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

[at the 2013 Golden Globe Awards] Meryl Streep is not here tonight. She has the flu and I hear she’s amazing in it.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, ‘No hablo ingles.’

I have won several prizes as the world’s slowest alto player, as well as a special award in 1961 for quietness.

We are the people our parents warned us about.

Communism must be like one big phone company.

I don’t mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don’t understand.

I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

I ran three miles today. Finally I said, ‘Lady take your purse’

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

No one looks stupid when they’re having fun!

If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.

If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging.

So I’m licking jelly off my boyfriend and all of a sudden, I’m thinking, ‘Oh my God, I’m turning into my mother.

Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street