Alanis Morissette

If I could sell 500 million records every time, it would be great. But I’ve also had the luxury experience of having it when I was a teenager, in a very kind of model version of it.

They’re different kinds of challenges depending upon what phase of life I’m in.

In my opinion, I think sarcasm and humor in a song, without turning it into a novelty song, is really charming.

It’s when someone has an agenda of their own for the record that it doesn’t work for me.

I’ll keep evolving and put that into my songs.

We’ll love you just the way you are if you’re perfect.

It’s an idiotic thing that you have to be a college graduate to be an agent.

I didn’t think my career would last this long, and it’s still going.

On the TV show that I just did, I worked with a female director called Ryan Case who is amazing. [But] it suddenly occurred to me on my second day of filming with her that I’ve been doing this since I was nine — so that’s like 19 years now — and she’s the first female director I’ve worked with on screen. And that is crazy. When I actually step back, that is an insane thing.

When faced with sexism or ageism or lookism or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: ‘Is this person in between me and what I want to do?’ If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you’re in charge, don’t hire the people who were jerky to you.

Led Zeppelin was a very sensitive and beautiful animal beast.

No one wants to quit when he’s losing and no one wants to quit when he’s winning.

[on quitting smoking] I quit smoking four months ago and since then I have been biting-chewing-fidgeting with anything that isn’t nailed down. I quit cold turkey. I was up to two packs a day, I’m coughing, my eyes are red, I don’t have energy, I’m not even enjoying it, so I just said, ‘That’s it.’ I think it might’ve been easier if I went with Nicorette or one of those supplements, but I just don’t get that. Let’s see, I’m addicted to something, so I know! Let’s pop some pills to get over it! Yeah, that makes sense. But now I find myself in conversations where people are looking at me and I’m salivating all over myself. This is how pathetic and sad it is: you start thinking, ‘Who am I without a cigarette in my hand?’

The crowds treat me like my last name. When I go onstage people usually stand up, I never ask them to, but they do. They stand up and they don’t know how much I appreciate it.

Don’t waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions; go over, under, through, and opinions will change organically when you’re the boss. Or they won’t. Who cares? Do your thing, and don’t care if they like it.

If I have to listen to one more grey faced man with a $2 hair cut explain to me what rape is, I’m going to lose my mind.

While making Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde, I had like 50 outfit changes. It was great! I’m real into the whole “girlie” thing, it was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed it.

I was the original pop star, knocking off as many birds as you could get in one night. Pete’s got a bit of a chip, because I used to get all the girls.

Meryl Streep, one of the most over-rated actresses in Hollywood, doesn’t know me but attacked last night at the Golden Globes. She is a Hillary flunky who lost big. For the 100th time, I never mockeda disabled reporter (would never do that) but simply showed him grovellingwhen he totally changed a 16 year old story that he had written in order to make me look bad. Just more very dishonest media!

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

We all have a childhood dream that when there is love, everything goes like silk, but the reality is that marriage requires a lot of compromise.