Mark Twain

A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

Man has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights…sexual intercourse!…His heaven is like himself: strange, interesting, astonishing, grotesque. I give you my word, it has not a single feature in it that he actually values.

Plain question and plain answer make the shortest road out of most perplexities.

Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.

Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.

Wine makes a man more pleased with himself; I do not say it makes him more pleasing to others.

Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else.

No matter how hard the past is, we can always begin again.

A man’s true delight is to do the things he was made for.

Dear to us are those who love us… but dearer are those who reject us as unworthy, for they add another life; they build a heaven before us whereof we had not dreamed, and thereby supply to us new powers out of the recesses of the spirit, and urge us to new and unattempted performances.

The Country is both the Philosopher’s Garden and his Library, in which he Reads and Contemplates the Power, Wisdom and Goodness of God.

One way of getting an idea of our fellow-countrymen’s miseries is to go and look at their pleasures.

An asylum for the sane would be empty in America.

The sky is the daily bread of the eyes.

We may have all come on different ships, but we’re in the same boat now.

The broadest and most prevalent error requires the most disinterested virtue to sustain it.

The human soul, by once suffering as much as it is capable of, purchases a strange and terrible immunity to all the rest of life’s sorrows.

Never do anything by halves if you want to get away with it. Be outrageous. Go the whole hog. Make sure everything you do is so completely crazy it’s unbelievable.

It happened once that a youth and a maiden beheld each other in a public assembly for the first time

Much may be made of a Scotchman, if he be caught young.