Tina Fey

I have to say, I’m really not that attractive. Until I met my husband, I could not get a date.

To me YES, AND means don’t be afraid to contribute. Always make sure you’re adding something to the discussion. Your initiations are worthwhile.

I want to spend time with Oprah, and I don’t know what I need to do to make that happen.

When it’s not your gig, you’re like, ‘I’m just gonna go to bed!’

Twitter seems like a busman’s holiday: just more writing. I have no plans to do it. I’ll just stick with my 24/7 webcam. I’m old-fashioned that way.

Obviously, as an adult I realize this girl-on-girl sabotage is the third worst kind of female behavior, right behind saying “like” all the time and leaving your baby in a dumpster.

[on Disney banning junk food adverts] I think when you can get an occupant of the White House behind you, particularly one as formidable and effective and passionate as Mrs. Obama, that can’t hurt

The thing about drugs and sex is that you lose all your inhibitions. I’ve had sex in trains, planes, wine bars… and quite a few car parks!

Before Twilight, I did any movie that I got offered. But now fans expectations have doubled and I just can’t mess around. Today, I can’t afford to be a part of any movie. I have to question a lot more now before I take a project. After all I can’t disappoint my fans.

I found myself a sophisticated, educated American. He’s not an actor. He’s traveled the world. He knows where Europe is, unlike a lot of Americans. He’s very cultured, but he’s all man.

NASCAR will make this decision strictly on the greenery, OK? They’ve got no loyalty to one place or another place [as if North Wilkesboro, Rockingham and Darlington need reminding]. They’ve got loyalty to money. And I don’t blame them. I’d do the same thing.

You have to be quite stupid to act.

[to troops in Iraq] I’m looking at a group of heavily armed people here. I’m telling myself ‘if you’re not funny, it’s a problem’

I just want to make the best music of all time with my best friends.

I have to work with IKEA… Yo, IKEA, let Kanye create! I want a bed that he makes! I want a chair that he makes! I want more products from Ye!

Nothing is creepier than a bunch of adults being very quiet.

I would love to have kids someday; I actually can’t imagine not having them. My parents have been married for 36 years. They (Lance, a mover, and Sandy, a nurse) have a pretty honest, straightforward relationship that I hope to have myself. – On having her own kids somedayYou never really know the person you’re sleeping beside. You have a right to your secrets, but that’s very difficult when you’re supposed to be someone’s partner. – On marriage as a minefield of secrets, as suggested in Married Life

In L.A., unless you’ve just won an Oscar or you’re Mr. Studio Head, no one talks to you. Even at parties.

Oh God, don’t make me come across as a moaner. I think it’s unacceptable to moan about anything when you’re lucky enough to do what I do. What I’m trying to say is I’m more settled now. The thirties have calmed me down. I know who my real friends are, I know what I want to do. In your twenties, you just do everything. It’s just overload all the time. In the thirties, you learn that it’s OK to go to bed early if you want.

By the time you are in your 40s, what you want to wear and what you think is sexy is not always, like, for another person. It’s what makes you feel good.

You could put a blond wig on a hot-water heater and some dude would try to f**k it.