Tina Fey

My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.

What turning forty means to me- I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn’t used to have to do that, but now I do.

If you ever start to feel too good about yourself, they have this thing called the Internet, and you can find a lot of people there who don’t like you.

Do your thing and don’t care if they don’t like it.

Yeah, it’s tough being smart and sexy, too. I have to say, I’m really not that attractive. Until I met my husband, I could not get a date. I promise you it’s true. My husband Jeff Richmond saw a diamond in the rough and took me in.

So, my unsolicited advice to women in the workplace is this. When faced with sexism, or ageism, or lookism, or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: “Is this person in between me and what I want to do?” If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you’re in charge, don’t hire the people who were jerky to you.

So it’s an aging product that’s decreasing in popularity and yet somehow it just can’t stop making money. It’s basically the agricultural equivalent of U2.

I don’t know how many millions of photographs have been taken of me.

I laugh about it now. It was ridiculous, and it was calculatedly decadent. It was pretty horrendous, really. I remember feeling a bit ill at times. You know, in those days, the thing was to live it. And we lived it and loved it, and it was great. But that is another era.

A lot of people can’t stand touring but to me it’s like breathing. I do it because I’m driven to do it.

When David Beckham got a tattoo of Jesus, the response from most soccer fans was, ‘That’s huge for Jesus. That’s a big deal for him’.

I was labeled a ‘theatre type’ in high school, which made it hard to fit in and feel part of things.

[on animals] When I see a toreador in a bullfight getting gored I think: ‘Good, you shouldn’t be in there’. What is the pleasure in seeing an animal speared to death? It’s the same with fox hunting. They’re just psychopaths. I think I’ll end up doing something with animals – running a sanctuary or something.

How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own?

Yes, we are celebrities, but yes, we’re also innovators, we’re also inventors, we’re also thoughtful.

There’s probably not a crew chief out there who hasn’t tried something that seemed like a good idea.

[On his first red carpet experience] I walked out the wrong car door and started walking into the crowd, An interviewer said, ‘Give your best horror scream,’ and Stan did this great scream and I was too much of a wimp to do one. It was pathetic!

British politics, when done well, can be very fun. John Oliver

I got a role in this movie called Freeway playing this really angry, aggressive, violent young woman who believed wholeheartedly in the truth. I had such satisfaction afterward, and I thought, That’s what I want to do.

A lot of actresses start out modeling because it’s a great way to sort of get your foot in the door. That’s all it is, though. They open the door, and you have to walk through it.

The ladies of comedy now are comfortable dressing up. It’s not forbidden anymore.