Jerry Seinfeld

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place.

I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention.

What’s money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do.

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it’s very busy, when they have one.

Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn’t have it and thought of other things if you did.

Most of the artists were trying to make a living, trying to get laid, trying to figure out who they were. They weren’t trying to change the world. That’s what other people put on them. I knew all those people. I knew them all, intimately and well. Bob Dylan. I would say that Bob Dylan is as interested in money as any person I’ve known in my life. That’s just the truth.

There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one.

To make a million, start with $900,000.

Money, which represents the prose of life, and which is hardly spoken of in parlors without an apology, is, in its effects and laws, as beautiful as roses.

I’ve been poor and I’ve been rich and rich is better.

The man who never has money enough to pay his debts has too much of something else.

I’ve earned all this money. I’ve worked for it. I didn’t cheat anybody. I didn’t issue junk bonds and put people out of work. I earned it. And I live relatively modestly given my level of success and wealth.

Use your money to buy privacy because during most of your life you aren’t allowed to be normal.

Money will buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail!