Catherine the Great

You philosophers are lucky men. You write on paper and paper is patient. Unfortunate Empress that I am, I write on the susceptible skins of living beings.

Happiness and unhappiness are in the heart and spirit of each one of us: If you feel unhappy, then place yourself above that and act so that your happiness does not get to be dependent on anything.

Men make love more intensely at 20, but make love better, however, at 30.

The more a man knows, the more he forgives.

I like to praise and reward in a loud voice and to scold in a whisper.

I am one of the people who love the why of things.

No one goes there nowadays, it’s too crowded.

We are the people our parents warned us about.

[on Tina Fey] I like to say our relationship is as old as Lourdes Ciccone

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, ‘No hablo ingles.’

I tried practicing for a few weeks and ended up playing too fast.

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.

I remember Tina Fey wrote a play about Catherine the Great f**king a horse and I thought, ‘That lady is hot stuff, I wanna know her.’

So I’m licking jelly off my boyfriend and all of a sudden, I’m thinking, ‘Oh my God, I’m turning into my mother.

I saw a bank that said ’24 Hour Banking’, but I don’t have that much time!

The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.

I ran three miles today. Finally I said, ‘Lady take your purse’

No one looks stupid when they’re having fun!

Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street

I have won several prizes as the world’s slowest alto player, as well as a special award in 1961 for quietness.