We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.

Robert Wilensky

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More quotes about Humour

[at the 2013 Golden Globe Awards] Meryl Streep is not here tonight. She has the flu and I hear she’s amazing in it.

Amy Poehler

If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.

Jimmy Buffet

I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

Woody Allen

Well if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone.

James Thurber

I tried practicing for a few weeks and ended up playing too fast.

Paul Desmond

Your wit makes others witty.

Catherine the Great

No one looks stupid when they’re having fun!

Amy Poehler

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

Charles Dickens

No one goes there nowadays, it’s too crowded.

Yogi Berra

The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.

Mark Twain

Communism must be like one big phone company.

Lenny Bruce

[on Tina Fey] I like to say our relationship is as old as Lourdes Ciccone

Amy Poehler

So I’m licking jelly off my boyfriend and all of a sudden, I’m thinking, ‘Oh my God, I’m turning into my mother.

Sarah Silverman

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, ‘No hablo ingles.’

Ronnie Shakes