John Lennon

I’m not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I’ve always been a freak. So I’ve been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I’m one of those people.

Reality leaves a lot to the imagination.

You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us. And the world will live as one.

The worst drugs are as bad as anybody’s told you. It’s just a dumb trip, which I can’t condemn people if they get into it, because one gets into it for one’s own personal, social, emotional reasons. It’s something to be avoided if one can help it.

Everything is clearer when you’re in love.

I’ve had the boyhood thing of being Elvis. Now I want to be with my best friend, and my best friend’s my wife. Who could ask for anything more?

The postman wants an autograph. The cab driver wants a picture. The waitress wants a handshake. Everyone wants a piece of you.

All I could think about was, ‘I just wanna blow him away. I wanna make him proud, because I really wanna sign with Timbaland and spend the rest of my career making music with Tim.’

[on The Who’s performance at Woodstock] It was the worst gig we ever played.

Florida, just because you’re shaped like some combination of a gun and a d*ck doesn’t mean you have to act that way.

To a smart girl men are no problem – they’re the answer.

President Bush gave a rousing speech to the United Nations General Assembly. Afterward, in a touching show of support, every foreign dignitary shook hands with the president and smiled warmly as he mispronounced their names.

Last year I couldn’t even have a date,but now it seems that girls have changed their opinion about me.

Wafah Dufour bin Laden, niece of Osama bin Laden has signed a contract to star in a reality show…called Skating with the Nieces of Terrorists.

Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says ‘I don’t give a royal s**t.’

I did (training in) tennis, ballet, swing dancing, piano, art class and etiquette. I also did French dialect, but then it was mixing me up with my Southern dialect, so we stuck to Southern!

You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us. And the world will live as one.

There’s nothing I really wanted to do in life that I wasn’t able to get good at. That’s my skill. I’m not really specifically talented at anything except for the ability to learn. That’s what I do. That’s what I’m here for.

This heart of mine could never see what everybody knew but me

Comedy is acting out optimism.

There’s not a lot of towns that I can go to and take family – too many incongruous knocks on doors – “Hello, honey. Have you missed me?”